Advice Sucks. Feedback is Golden. Here’s Why.

Why Advice Doesn’t Work in Complexity

We’ve all been there. You’re wrestling with a thorny, multi-layered problem. It’s emotionally charged, high stakes, and you really need to get it right. So, you take a risk. When someone asks, “How are you?” you skip the polite “Fine, thanks” and share what’s really going on.

And then… it happens.

The advice lands:
“Have you tried…?”
“Sounds like you need to…”

It’s not bad advice. But suddenly, the conversation shifts. Now you’re debating whether their suggestion fits your situation—and if it does, how on earth to implement it.

Advice shuts things down. And this is why it sucks. The advice-giver assumes they’ve got the full picture. They don’t. Some of the most important context probably isn’t even consciously available to you yet.

At best, you’re off chasing a rabbit hole of well-meaning ideas. At worst, you’re annoyed—and then annoyed at yourself for feeling annoyed at someone who was just trying to help.

“Advice shuts things down. And this is why it sucks.”

Feedback: The Foundation of High-Performing Teams

At Building20, we don’t do advice (well, we try not to. Temptation is real). For an organisational consultancy, that sounds counterintuitive. Isn’t advice our job? And if we don’t give advice, what do even do?!

Here’s the thing: advice is usually obvious or irrelevant. Even the best diagnostic can’t capture the full complexity of your context. And complexity is where we live.

So what do we do instead?
We look for feedback loops.

Feedback—signals, data, observations—tells us what’s really happening. It’s the bedrock of confident decision-making in complexity. (Want to know why? Check out our Complexity Competent Leadership Mini Course.)

We ask questions like:

• How would you know things had improved?
• What would tell you it was getting worse?
• What do you see when this works well?

Feedback is golden because it makes success bigger than someone’s latest bright idea. It forces us to consider all our stakeholders and how we’ll know if we’re getting it right for them.

How to Shift from Advice to Feedback

If you’re the advice-giver, pause. Don’t jump in with “You should…”—unless they explicitly ask, “What do you think I should do?”

Instead, try this three-step feedback finding conversation:

1. What about this situation do you hope could be different?
2. If it was different, what would you see? How would you know?
   (This is the meat of the sandwich. Get curious about all the signals—especially how relationships would shift.)
3. Do you ever already see that happening? What else is going on when you do?

If You’re on the Receiving End of Unsolicited Advice

First, appreciate the intent. Someone cares enough to want to help. Then, steer the conversation toward the valuable feedback they can give. Try:

• “The outcome I’m aiming for is….. So, what would you notice that’s different about me if that were true?”
• “When have you personally seen me at my best in other situations like this?”

Building a Feedback Culture in Leadership

Creating a feedback seeking culture is essential for high-performing teams and ethical leadership. It shifts the focus from quick fixes to sustainable performance. It helps leaders navigate complexity with confidence, using real signals instead of assumptions.

How Building20 Helps Leaders Thrive

At Building20, we’re passionate about helping people perform better in work that matters—doing the right things right in strategy and transformation, without burning out. We don’t give advice. We help you amplify the signals that make performance easier to achieve and sustain—whether that’s 1:1, with your leadership team, or across your whole organisation.

Ready to work with a consultancy that does things differently? Book a call with us.